I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
