Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
