So drunk its hurt
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
