everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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