from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
