apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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