I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
