Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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