i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
