i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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