This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
