i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
