WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
