I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
