guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
