oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My pussy is not your playground.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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