she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
