I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
