he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I booty called her while she was in labor.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
