Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
