I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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