Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
