I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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