the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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