Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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