I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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