Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
if only i could text you this smell
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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