u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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