I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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