I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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