Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
