does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
