I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
