end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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