What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
