Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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