im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
