True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
