i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
