i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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