would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
