Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
