I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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