what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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