I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
