Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
