Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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