"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
