Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
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I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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