$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
