alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
