Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
