Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
