Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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