i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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