That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
