I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
