At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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