He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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