My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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