Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
he thought i was a dude.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
