And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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