I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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