I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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