Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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