u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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