Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
