She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
