I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
