So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
