Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
