Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
