He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
