I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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