I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
