Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
