we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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