Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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