A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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